F.D.A. Decides Flibanserin Does Not Make Women Happy or Horny

Last Friday, the F.D.A. did not approve Flibanserin, a drug manufactured by Germany’s Boehringer Ingelheim (God that’s a catchy name) as the “female Viagra”.  Why?  Well, there are several reasons.  First of all, the DAILY pill causes dizziness, nausea and fatigue and honestly, those have to be categorized as negative side effects because if Bearwanger Inglenook is trying to get women laid by making them dizzy and tired so they are easy prey laying in a bed, they’ve goofed up on the nausea part because that is totally not sexy.  They were all bragging last fall at a medical conference in Europe that Flibanserin was found to increase self-reported “sexually satisfying events” to 4.5 a month on average. Wow.  Sex machine.  Oh, wait…. The event did not have to include orgasm.  What?  Okay, now tell me exactly what a sexually satisfying event is if it does not include orgasm and I’ll tell you about a guy who always finishes first and has had his nose broken five times by his wife.  Well, okay… maybe she got some sort of satisfaction out of that, but I don’t think that’s what Boomhauer Inglemime had in mind.

Another reason this previously released anti-depressant drug that didn’t really work on depression has not gained approval is because no one is really sure if there is actually a medical condition to treat.  Oh, Beelzebub Ignatzmouse is really TRYING to sell a malady the insurance companies will swallow and females across the globe can identify with.  They even hired Lisa Rinna, liver lipped soap opera star and former Playboy model to convince

Lisa Rinna demonstrates why she is the spokesperson for low libido.

women they aren’t horny enough and their lips are too thin. What they really SHOULD have done is hired all the Sex in the City girls for the promotional campaign because if Carrie, Samantha, Charlotte and Miranda tell the women of America that they can get that kind of action if they take the little pink pill…. You’ve got LINES at the Doctor’s office.  Stupid Germans.  Lisa Rinna, right.  She could convince me that if my lips looked like hers I could be a grouper.

Yeah, Leonore Tiefer, a psychologist at New York University says women don’t need medication for low libido and should accept it because “Women’s sex lives are often a struggle, a disappointment, an archipelago of regret”…. Wow, I wonder how long it took to come up with “archipelago of regret”.  How about a “peninsula of penisless purgatory”. Hehe… this is fun.  Anyhow, Bumringer Instantbrine tried to help doctors diagnose the disorder by sponsoring medical education classes.  In one course, a quiz asked doctors to diagnose the condition of a 42-year-old working mother who takes care of three children and her own sick mother, and who had no desire for sex. (Her husband was mentioned only in passing.)  The correct answer was to schedule a follow up visit to evaluate whether she has diagnosable hypoactive sexual desire disorder.  See, all this woman needs is a pill she can take every day for the rest of her life, that makes her dizzy, tired and nauseous so she can participate in “sexually satisfying events” that do not include her own orgasm.  Then, she can add changing the sheets and throwing her husbands belongings on the front lawn to her list of “things to do”.

Look, I’m not against women finding time to relax and enjoy the benefits of good sex.  It’s one of those things people don’t realize they’re missing until they have it… like buying precooked bacon.  “Why do I only do this on holidays?”  But I don’t want to see the ad campaigns where drug companies try to convince women they are sexually cold.  The men in our lives are already ringing that bell.  We know, we know…. How about this:  We’ll invite all the girls over to watch three hours of chick flicks every Sunday afternoon.  Before they arrive, you men clean the house, grocery shop, and prepare a selection of hors d’oeuvres.  Refill our drinks when they are low and clean off the paper plates as we dirty them.  When the ladies leave, clean up the kitchen and the t.v. room, put the kids to bed, lock up the house, take the garbage out, and meet me in the bed….You’re on top and there BETTER be at least one female orgasm at the end of the ride.  That’s at least 4.0 sexually satisfying events a month and I think we’re onto something.

Here’s the link:

http://www.nytimes.com/2010/06/17/business/17sexpill.html